That’s how far into my pregnancy I am.
I’ve been pregnant for ALL of 2017. And my due date is in exactly 4 weeks. Talk about a rush of emotions that hit me this morning. I am so ready to meet this little boy. I am so excited to be his mom and to watch Tom transition into daddy. This is by far the most anxious I’ve ever been. For the past 8 months, I’ve thought about what his nose will look like, if he’ll have mommy’s or daddy’s eye color and what it’ll feel like holding him for the first time. Now that it’s just 4 weeks away — I’m still anticipating all of that, but I’m definitely starting to get nervous.
For months people asked me if I was nervous. My answer was always no.
Ask me now.
I’M TERRIFIED all the sudden.
What if I’m not good at being a mom? How will I know what he wants when he cries? What if I can’t soothe him back into a calm state or get him to go to sleep? How will I know how to make him better when he’s sick? How will I balance my love for my entire family? What if I neglect my dog? What if I can’t handle stress? What happens if I cry? Will I need help? What if I mess up?
Millions of thoughts and questions running through my head right now. I know I have the best support system backing me and eager to help me through this, but I’m still nervous.
I’m nervous because I want my baby boy to love having me as his mom just as much as I love having him as my son. I never want to let him down. One day I will, though. I want to be the one who can always calm him down and make him feel better. There will come a day I won’t be able to. I want to be the reason he laughs. One day I’ll be the reason he’s upset.
So many thoughts. Millions of questions. Mixed emotions!
But right now, I’m going to focus on the here and now. What’s happening in 4 weeks — and that is bringing my precious son into this world — and being the most important person in his world. I’m not going to be perfect — heck I’ll make more mistakes than not in the beginning I’m sure — but I’m going to do my best for him and make sure he feels the depth of my love from day one.
The rest will work itself out, right?